Motivated Mommy Monday's: Kids Really Do Desire Boundaries.

Today's post was inspired by Melinda over @ Coming Clean: Confessions of an Imperfect Parent. Earlier I was reading her post about a recent interaction she had with her daughter. You should check it out! What struck me was her last statement: "Sometimes I feel weak – not up to the fight. But retreat is not an option. One day my kids will be glad I did battle."  I went to comment on the truth behind this statement and realized I have way more to say on this subject than can fit in a comment and since its Motivated Mommy Monday I decided to blog about it.

When I was 15 or 16 I remember sitting at Super Summer in large group and the speaker asked a question that I probably never would have thought twice about had the response from the audience not blown me away. The question went something like this: "How many of you wish your parents had set more boundaries, enforced them, and fought harder for your purity (not just sexual purity but purity in general)." Remarkably, the majority of the hands in the room went up. I cannot say for sure how many people that was, but I think it would be safe to say 70% of the students there raised their hands. In a room that had well over a thousand students that is at least 700. See, kids really DO want boundaries!

To all you parents of tweens and teens please don't stop fighting for your child's purity!!! I know the moments when they seemingly resist your boundaries may out weight the moments when they willingly adhere to them and understand your reasoning, but trust me ONE DAY they WILL get it. The question is; will they be thankful you stuck to your guns or will they wish you had cared enough for their purity to be the mean parent with all the rules. I know it sounds harsh, please understand I AM NOT trying to offend anyone. I just want you to get it; your kids need a parent more than another friend.  Perhaps that is why Proverbs 13:24 says, "He how spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Though most kids would tell their parents they do not like nor want structure, discipline and boundaries; they secretly NEED them and crave them. It truly is a desire of their hearts! These things make kids feel safe and secure. For example, I once watched an episode of Primetime where they showed a study done about how kids play on fenced-in playgrounds verses fenceless playgrounds. The results showed that when on the fenced-in playground the kids where much more likely to explore the entire playground; where as, when on the fenceless playground they tended to stay close to their parent. After a little probing the researchers realized the kids on the fenced-in playground felt safer.

Let's apply those results to parenting for a minute; boundaries are the fence, and the playground structures represent the kid's abilities. When we put a fence of boundaries around our kids we allow them to explore all the structures out there in a safe environment, which they can comfortably figure out what God made them good at and we can then raise them in the way THEY should go. Now, unfortunately we cannot prevent a few dangerous elements from sneaking onto the playground (that is up to God); however, by putting up a fence we CAN protect them from the dangerous elements that lurk outside the playground. If we remove our fence we allow ALL the dangerous outside elements to FREELY enter the playground. The result: kids who are so BOUND by fear they fail to explore and figure out what God made THEM good at. Or worse they eventually work up the guts to wander around and before long they look up and they are lost in the woods without a sense of how to find their way back. Or maybe they become ENTANGLED OR ENSLAVED by some dangerous element (sin) their parents had no idea was out there and therefore CANNOT get back to the playground even though they want to.

Don't just take it from me; think about what YOU know to be true. Think about you kids as babies. Were they happier when they were on a structured schedule or when there was no schedule for the day?  I know my kids were a LOT happier on a schedule!!

I hope you are inspired by this post as well as Melinda's post to STAND STRONG. I know I was inspired by Melinda and I will be all the more eager to stick to the boundaries, because to be honest I was one of those kids who raised their hand that night. I wish my parents had stuck to their guns. They had WAY to much trust in me. What a mistake! It is not about trusting your kids; it's about NOT trusting the world!

Just some thoughts,
MEL

Taking it to Him Tuesday's: The Power of Prayer (please share your stories).

Okay, so as you all know I did a fast yesterday on behalf of my kids. Thank you so much for your prayers. I did great until dinner time, then I started to get hungry. But don't worry I saw it through to the end, and first thing this morning I ate.

I decided to do the fast because in my concern for my kids I could not stop thinking about the deep anguish David felt in 2 Samuel 12, when Nathan told him that because of his sin the son he and Bathsheba conceived would die. In his anguish he fasted for days, so I decided to do the same. Unfortunitly for David his son still died, but after that he and Bathsheba concieved Solomon whom is says the Lord loved. That of course is evident in how blessed Solomon was. I have faith that God will her my prayers and bless us far more abundantly that I could ever ask or imagine, even if it is not how I expect him to answer them.

Anyway I wanted to hear from you your stories about how God has answered you prayers far more than you asked or imagined (Ephesians 3:20).

I'll share one story about our local radio station KSBJ; yesterday they held a telethone for Haiti. It was their prayer that they would raise 50,000. They had raised about 700%  of that the last time I tuned in; that's 350,000! Wow, God is great!

MEL

Motivated Mommy Monday's: Ending Generational Sin

I have to go pick my kids up from their Nana's, so I will try to keep this short.

Last night a call from Josh's mom about an incident that happened with our kids got me thinking about generational sin. We all have those family sins that seem to carry on from one generation to the next. What is your family sin? For some it is pride, for some it is sexual immorality, for some it is greed, for some it is anger, the list goes on and on. Whatever it is, I am sure if you are like me you cringe at any possible sign of it in your children's lives.

I am so afraid for my kids to be inhabited by our generational sins that on numerous occasions I have sat in their room and prayed over them as they slept. I prayed that our generational sins would end with Josh and me and that our kids would never know their enslaving power. But with one phone call I realized we have not done enough to protect our kids from this sin. We have to do more, but what? Josh and I are honestly at a loss for how to deal with this. First, because our kids are at an age where they really do not understand why this is so bad, we know that scolding is not the answer. However, merely talking with them about it is not enough. So, we have decided to take it to God in a more serious urgent way: we are fasting today.

We need direction about how to handle this and we want to show God we are committed to ending this sin with us (it's been a struggle in both of our families). So, I am asking for your prayers today. Please pray we have the strength to follow this through today. My husband becomes very cranky when he does not eat and he often gets headaches from skipping a meal.

I am also wondering if you might need prayer over a generational sin. If so please share in the comments, even if it is just an unspoken. I would love to pray for you today.

MEL

Motivated Mommy Monday's: Kids who Clean? Say what??????

That's right @ 2 and 4 my kids clean. As a neat FREAK it has always been important to me that they pick up after themselves, so that's where we started. When they were babies I would make them put away their toys after playing. Then, when they started walking I made them put their dirty dishes in the sink after eating, and their dirty clothes in the hamper when they changed, I even made them walk their dirty diapers to the trash, and get a new diaper out. For a long time those where the only chores I made them do. But as my daughter (the 2 year old) gets older I have started to think more about how to prepare her to fulfill her roles of helpmate/wife and mother. Last week Mandi over at Capitol Heights Mommy wrote a great post about the importance of training our daughters for this role, you should definitely go check it out.

I feel very convicted to raise children who understand the roles God calls them to as men and women. I feel like too many of today's CHRISTIAN marriages fail because of this very reason. Statistically, the divorce rate among Christians is 53%, that's about 3% HIGHER than the national average. I believe that PART of the reason more Christian marriages fail is because as Christians we go into marriage expecting that our spouse is going to fulfill their God give role in the marriage. However, because of the society that we live in few of us actually know how to do this. Instead, we follow the world's pattern for men and women and in a Christian marriage (any marriage for that matter) this can be disastrous! In my own marriage it has been a struggle. Those of you who know my husband and I are probably laughing because you know exactly what I mean when I say that. Josh tends to be more laid back and finds it hard to take the leadership/decision making role on and well I am definitely a strong-willed natural born leader who finds it hard to submit/serve. For a long time we struggled to accept our roles as God designed them and the result was a LOT of conflict. In the last couple of years we have really turned things around, but it was/is not easy. That's why I am determined to raise kids who not only understand their roles but fulfill them!

For me that means raising a daughter who is not only loving, respectful and submissive, but who is also able to run her household like the Proverbs 31 woman. I want her husband to have confidence in her ability to do so. It also means raising a son who is not only the spiritual leader of his home but works hard and loves like Christ. Christ who lead by example; who though he was worthy of service, came not to be served but to serve others. That is why I find it so important to teach Cherish to keep a clean house and Jeremiah to see a need and meet it.

I know that it would be much easier and less time consuming to just do it yourself but we need to remember that as Christian mothers we have a responsibility to not just keep a clean house for our family but to train our kids in the way they should go. I also cannot stress the added benefits; first it is a great way to spend time together. We try to have fun with it by making games out of cleaning, which I think has in turn taught them to find joy in serving.  Another, great benefit is that as they get better at these things my "job" gets easier, Woo Hoo! The greatest benefit is raising kids who glorify God by fulfilling the roles he has called them to.

So, here are a few examples of ways I am training my kids:

1. They help with the laundry.

• By putting their clothes in the hamper when they are dirty.
• By helping me separate all the clothes when it comes time to do the laundry. 
• By pulling the clothes out of the dryer.
• By mating socks.
• By helping putting away drawer clothes.

2. They do the dishes.

• By putting the dirty dishes in the sink.
• By pulling their chairs up to the kitchen sink and helping wash their plates, utensils, cups and snack bowls (don't worry they never wash knives and they are always supervised). 
• They also have a play kitchen that they pretend to cook in. When we bought the kitchen for our daughter @ Christmas we also bought her a play cleaning set so that she could learn how to keep her kitchen clean. It includes a broom, hand broom, dust pan, mop, hand held vacuum (which actually works), a duster, 2 sponges, 3 spray bottles and a cleaning apron.

3. They clean their room.

• They pick up their toys. I have them organized in a way that makes it easy for them. We have bins for all the small toys; balls, action figures, cars, blocks, etc. 
• They make their beds.
• They put away laundry (dirty and clean).

4. They help clean the bathroom (don't worry I use organic cleaners, there's no harm to their health).

• They use baby wipes or rags and spray bottles full of warm water to clean the counters and the toilets usually after I have already cleaned them.
•  They help sweep and mop the floors.
• They put their toys away after they bathe.

5. They help take out the trash.

6. Jeremiah has tons of play tools and lawn equipment to teach him to learn how to serve in these areas.

I know it sounds like a lot but I assure you they do not do these things everyday. The only things they are required to do daily are pick up their toys (including bath toys), put their dirty dishes in the sink and their dirty laundry in the hamper. The other things are just ways they occasionally help, they usually only do one or two of these a week. The idea is not to make them our slaves or rob them of their childhood but to prepare them for life. And no we do not pay them an allowance for doing these things, we feel like it is their contribution to the family and they should do it for that reason.

If anyone else wants to share ways to get your kids to contribute please do so. I would love to hear your ideas and see if I can incorporate them into our household.

Finally, I am NOT implying that the God given roles to men and women prohibit us form doing anything outside of what I described. I am simply saying that no matter what else we do with our lives as men and women we are required to fulfill certain responsibilities. Men are to be the spiritual leaders of the household even if they are not the primary breadwinners and women are to be homemakers even if they work outside the home.


Just some thoughts,

MEL

My First Award

Yay! I got my very first award. Mandi from Capitol Heights Mommy graciously chose me for the Best Blog Award! Thank you so much Mandi! I love your blog too.

The Rules for Accepting This Award:

1. To accept this award you must post it on your blog with the name and a link to the person who gave it to you.
2. Pass on the award to about 15 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are great!

3. Contact the other bloggers and let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Okay, so Mandi actually gave me this award a couple of weeks ago but @ that time I really had not been blogging long enough to pass the award on to more than four blogs. However, since then I have come across some really great blogs.

So here are my 15 Bloggers:

• Sharing the Pages of Life
• Coffee, God and Me
• Beautiful Mess
• Women Living Well
• A Pretty Cool Life
• Tatertots and Jello
• Seven Clown Circus
• Wenderful 365
• Coming Clean
• The Eco-Cheap Mom
• Adventures in Diapering and Beyond
• Pixel Perfect
• Ordinary Inspirations
• Domestic Niche
• Lil Blue Boo

Enjoy,

MEL

Thursday's in His Tent: Getting to Know the Creator

I almost took the day off from the blogging world, because I'm a little worn out. Unfortunately, I had to take my husband to the airport in the wee hours of the morning and I've been busy every since. However, I just COULD NOT let that keep me from sharing the GLIMPSE of God I got this morning. Oh, and Thursday's are probably my favorite day to blog because they are all about my first love. So, let's get started:

This morning after I read a few chapters in James I decided to read a little out of "Jesus Drives Me Crazy" by Leonard Sweet (I absolutely love it!). One of the sections I read touched on how creative God must be to have made everyone of us unique. It got me thinking about how no two of us are alike, not even close. I mean it's not like there are only one or two differences between me and someone else out there, no there are tons!

I remember when I was growing up I was so desperate to find a "best-friend," someone just like me. Incredibly, I never found that friend (I had a lot of good friends but no one just like me), at least not where I was looking. I did eventually meet him when I was 14, I call him Friend or Jesus or God, etc. Ironically, I never found the kind of best-friend I was looking for because God never made her. No one on earth is like me, NO ONE.

There are a lot of people out there with similar looks, similar views, similar backgrounds, similar likes and similar dislikes, but still NO ONE just like me. Ha, I'M UNIQUE!! And so are you! Think about how incredibly intrinsic God must be to have made each of us so unique. I mean I like to think I'm pretty creative but my creativity is nothing compared to Gods. It's not even close, not even on the same scale. After all, he thought everything into being, out of NOTHING. Oh but it doesn't stop there, not only did he create everything different and unique but he created it so that it all works together for a purpose. How? How does he make it all work?

Do you think we can ever grasp all that he is? I mean when we get to heaven we will see him for ourselves and it will bring us to our knees. But even then, do you think we will really grasp all that he is? Or will we spend the rest of eternity trying to?

Just a glimpse,

MEL

Wedded Wednesday's: Finding Time Together when Life is Chaotic.

I write today's post as my husband is driving home from Fort Worth. Though it was only a day trip I know it made for a long day for Josh, which means he is going to want to head to bed early tonight. He should get home sometime after 6 P.M., maybe later if he decides to swing by the office to pick supplies for tomorrow's job. Oh yeah, did I mention he is flying to Los Angeles at 7:30 in the morning, another reason he will want to go to bed early. Ironically, Wednesday's are my busiest days of the week, especially Wednesday evenings.  Let's just say write now I'm running back and forth between cooking dinner, monitoring my son as he washes the lunch dishes, fixing my hair, and writing this post (yeah that's right my four year old does the dishes, it's only a few plates, a pizza pan and some snack bowls, but I'll save that for a motivated mommy post), .

You might ask why I would be trying to cram all of these things in at one time. The answer is simple, my son has to be at AWANA's at 6:30 and when I get back from dropping him off my husband should be home. So, my goal is to have everything that needs to be done finish when he gets home, that way I can devote my time to him. See that's what this post is all about, when life is crazy you either drop some things or make sacrifices for each other. My sacrifice is rearranging my schedule to make life even crazier right now, so that I can help my hubby pack in about an hour. That's okay though, because hopefully it pays off and we'll get to relax together afterwards.

What sacrifices will you make to ensure you have some much needed couple time? Let's face it, if it's not right now at some point life will be busy, will you be prepared to do what it takes to maintain a relationship with your spouse? After all, when life is busy that's when we need one another the most.

Just some thoughts,
MEL