Motivated Mommy Monday's: Kids Really Do Desire Boundaries.

Today's post was inspired by Melinda over @ Coming Clean: Confessions of an Imperfect Parent. Earlier I was reading her post about a recent interaction she had with her daughter. You should check it out! What struck me was her last statement: "Sometimes I feel weak – not up to the fight. But retreat is not an option. One day my kids will be glad I did battle."  I went to comment on the truth behind this statement and realized I have way more to say on this subject than can fit in a comment and since its Motivated Mommy Monday I decided to blog about it.

When I was 15 or 16 I remember sitting at Super Summer in large group and the speaker asked a question that I probably never would have thought twice about had the response from the audience not blown me away. The question went something like this: "How many of you wish your parents had set more boundaries, enforced them, and fought harder for your purity (not just sexual purity but purity in general)." Remarkably, the majority of the hands in the room went up. I cannot say for sure how many people that was, but I think it would be safe to say 70% of the students there raised their hands. In a room that had well over a thousand students that is at least 700. See, kids really DO want boundaries!

To all you parents of tweens and teens please don't stop fighting for your child's purity!!! I know the moments when they seemingly resist your boundaries may out weight the moments when they willingly adhere to them and understand your reasoning, but trust me ONE DAY they WILL get it. The question is; will they be thankful you stuck to your guns or will they wish you had cared enough for their purity to be the mean parent with all the rules. I know it sounds harsh, please understand I AM NOT trying to offend anyone. I just want you to get it; your kids need a parent more than another friend.  Perhaps that is why Proverbs 13:24 says, "He how spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Though most kids would tell their parents they do not like nor want structure, discipline and boundaries; they secretly NEED them and crave them. It truly is a desire of their hearts! These things make kids feel safe and secure. For example, I once watched an episode of Primetime where they showed a study done about how kids play on fenced-in playgrounds verses fenceless playgrounds. The results showed that when on the fenced-in playground the kids where much more likely to explore the entire playground; where as, when on the fenceless playground they tended to stay close to their parent. After a little probing the researchers realized the kids on the fenced-in playground felt safer.

Let's apply those results to parenting for a minute; boundaries are the fence, and the playground structures represent the kid's abilities. When we put a fence of boundaries around our kids we allow them to explore all the structures out there in a safe environment, which they can comfortably figure out what God made them good at and we can then raise them in the way THEY should go. Now, unfortunately we cannot prevent a few dangerous elements from sneaking onto the playground (that is up to God); however, by putting up a fence we CAN protect them from the dangerous elements that lurk outside the playground. If we remove our fence we allow ALL the dangerous outside elements to FREELY enter the playground. The result: kids who are so BOUND by fear they fail to explore and figure out what God made THEM good at. Or worse they eventually work up the guts to wander around and before long they look up and they are lost in the woods without a sense of how to find their way back. Or maybe they become ENTANGLED OR ENSLAVED by some dangerous element (sin) their parents had no idea was out there and therefore CANNOT get back to the playground even though they want to.

Don't just take it from me; think about what YOU know to be true. Think about you kids as babies. Were they happier when they were on a structured schedule or when there was no schedule for the day?  I know my kids were a LOT happier on a schedule!!

I hope you are inspired by this post as well as Melinda's post to STAND STRONG. I know I was inspired by Melinda and I will be all the more eager to stick to the boundaries, because to be honest I was one of those kids who raised their hand that night. I wish my parents had stuck to their guns. They had WAY to much trust in me. What a mistake! It is not about trusting your kids; it's about NOT trusting the world!

Just some thoughts,
MEL