Okay, just to be clear from the get go, this post is NOT about sex. By affection I am talking about just that, his tender or fond feelings towards me. For example; hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, wrapping his arm around me and verbally expressing his love for me. See, I am really bad at letting my husband do these things. Partly because as a mom I am soooooooo busy and partly because it just makes me feel awkward to be praised or admired. Oh and I am a little claustrophobic so any time I feel stressed I need my space.
Josh has made it clear it upsets him when I won't let him love on me because I am too busy or too stressed. So I try to make more of an effort to just let him hold me when he wants to. I mean if I am not going to burn dinner or the kids are not about to hurt each other, than why not? What will a few seconds hurt or even a few minutes? I really have made some progress with the whole not being too busy thing. I mean I want to be a Mary not a Martha, even if my type A, perfectionist, slightly ODC personality leans naturally towards Martha. If you're not familiar with my analogy I am referring to Luke 10:38-42, where Jesus is visiting with Mary and Martha in their home. Martha hurriedly tries to clean the house so Jesus will be comfortable, while Mary simply sits and visits with Jesus. So, an understandably aggravated Martha asks Jesus to rebuke Mary for not helping her clean. Instead, Jesus rebukes Martha for not realizing what is more important from an eternal perspective, a clean house or a relationship.
So while, I have made some progress on the being too busy front, I still struggle with the whole claustrophobic thing. For a while, I just figured because it was a condition there was nothing I could do about it. However, a while back I realized I was going to have to work on it regardless. I wish I could say it was because I felt so bad about hurting Josh's feelings (which I do feel bad about); however the realization actually came to me when I started noticing my daughter do the same thing. I'm not sure if she learned it from watching me or if she is just as claustrophobic as me. But regardless of why she does it, I do not want her to continue doing it!
For the first time I really got to see what it looks like from an outside perspective. That's when I made a decision to work on that as well. To be honest, it was not easy at first and sometimes (more than I like) I still struggle with it. However, I can see the progress I have made. I now realize that though the anxiety I feel is real, it CAN be overcome. I just need to exercise a little self-control and not freak out.
Oh, and let me just say by willingly receiving all the affection Josh dishes out I feel much closer to him. In fact, I would go as far as to say our marriage is better than it has ever been. Sadly, it is not because the love has increased (though it has done that in the last 5 years), but simply because I chose to receive the love even when it seemed inconvenient. Wow, that sounds bad, please tell me I am not alone in this? Someone else must know what I am talking about...
Anyways, take it from me it is so important to receive your husbands affection.
MEL
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You are definitely not alone. Sean likes to get cuddly a lot more than I do. I am learning to receive his affection more too. I do like being affectionate with him but sometimes it is hard for me to stop what I'm doing and focus on him! Hopefully I am getting better...
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